I would like to start by saying that I do not hate kids, I just hate messes, physical pain, spending money on anyone other than myself…you get the drift. So while I am adamant about not ever having any of my own, I have no problem with other peoples as long as they never step their messy little feet inside my house or car.
Surprisingly, I have a lot in common with toddlers so my accepting money to hang out with them really shouldn’t be a huge surprise to anyone. We both have miniature hands and feet and wear shoes from baby gap. We can both go from perfectly content to full blown temper tantrum when we are told we can’t do something we deem interesting…like walk around outside without our clothes on or accepting candy from strangers. We both drink from bottles, mine just has a cork sticking out the top where there’s has a nipple. We don’t both wear diapers but there have been many instances when we both probably should. We both love being the center of attention, having our picture taken, and having people tell our parents we are cute. We also really appreciate when our good behavior (no matter how short lived) is rewarded with ice cream. They throw up on the regular from spoiled milk, I throw up on the regular from mixing liquors. We both like being bathed and require daily naps to tolerate others. Little kids like to cry, and I love making people cry. While we both like to pretend that we are grown up we both change our minds everyday about what we want to be when that actually happens.
Lately a lot of my friends have been stuck with the chore of babysitting me, so every now and then its nice to be on the other side of things while simultaneously reminding myself the importance of taking my birth control.